


Guilty

by cubedcoffeecake



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Depression, M/M, Multiple Personality Disorder, Self-Hatred, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-29
Updated: 2019-05-29
Packaged: 2020-03-06 11:40:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18850348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cubedcoffeecake/pseuds/cubedcoffeecake
Summary: Hewould’ve, so his coincidental innocence meant nothing.





	Guilty

Harry stared down at his hands before letting his head fall back against the wall with a quiet thud. Food had been pushed through the trapdoor less than an hour ago, but it was still sitting just this side of the intimidating metal. Harry hadn’t touched it, and didn’t plan to.

Every time he closed his eyes, Tom appeared in his vision. Furious, with something nearing hatred in his expression in response to Harry’s perceived betrayal. He was pointing a gun at Harry and spitting out vitriol— _ murderer, liar, mad _ . And much, much worse. It was the worst memory Harry had.

It was also the only one of Tom that wasn’t slipping away with every passing day. Harry could never make up his mind whether he wanted to see it, or not. Sometimes, he would keep his eyes open for hours upon hours to keep the images away; but others he would crave the sight of his love so desperately he’d knowingly subject himself to the pain.

Now was one of the former times. His eyes would remain fixed on the opposite wall until he passed out—from hunger, or emotional exhaustion, there was no telling.

There was no part of Harry left that didn’t hate himself, now. He’d been a fool, and it had nearly lost Tom the life he’d worked tirelessly for years to build.

Voldemort and Tom were the same person, really. To Harry, at least. The same body, the same knowledge, and many of the same personality traits and qualities. Voldemort was just morally-bankrupt, while Tom was a policeman, justice meant so much to him.

It was an easy decision, claiming responsibility for the bodies Voldemort had used Harry’s basement to hide. Had he known about it until Tom came at him with his gun raised? No. But Harry knew he would’ve let Voldemort even if he had asked first. He  _ would’ve _ , so his coincidental innocence meant nothing.

Harry was in love with a murderer, and let him do as he pleased. He would never have dreamed of choosing to turn Voldemort in instead of going himself. He was equally guilty, after all.

And Tom…

Squeezing his eyes shut did nothing to stop the tears that came to Harry’s eyes when he thought of Tom. Tom  _ loved _ Harry, so very much. He’d always been so, so good to him—and Harry had allowed him to go around with an untreated personality disorder that had him murdering people without his knowledge. Tom would hate himself if he knew all the things he’d done. Voldemort stood for everything Tom fought against.

For Harry to have done nothing about this… he  _ had _ betrayed Tom. He hadn’t killed those people himself, but he deserved every bit of the sentence he’d received.

His eyes slipped closed for a brief second and Harry sobbed as he snapped them back open, but he was too slow. Tom’s expression danced in his head.

“I’m sorry,” he wept. “I’m so, so sorry Tom. I love you, I didn’t mean—I’ll be better, I’ll never… never again… I won’t…” There were no words for what Harry wanted to express.

The police had rushed to Tom’s summons. He was held in very high repute, and for good reasons. Tom was inarguably the best officer in the district. Honest, hard-working, cooperative, skilled, earnest…

Harry had still been standing there at gunpoint when they arrived. Several other guns were pointed at him as a female coworker went over to Tom. His grip hadn’t wavered when it was just them, but now backup had arrived Tom swiftly pulled out his mag and let the handgun fall to the ground, his body shaking as tears fell. He was still staring at Harry, and his expression now… He looked heartbroken.

All Harry did he did for his love for Tom, but all he’d done was hurt him, in the end.

He curled up into a tight ball, his head buried in his lap as he shook with the force of his crying. The scene flashed through his mind over, and over, and over again on a sick, twisted replay.

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for a prompt on the Tomarry Discord about eight months ago, so I’m afraid I have no idea who to credit for it. I don’t have the exact prompt anymore, either, but~ Here you go!
> 
> If you enjoyed this, feel free to check me out on  
> Tumblr (https://www.tumblr.com/blog/cubedcoffeecake ),  
> Twitter (www.twitter.com/cubedcoffeecake ),  
> or maybe consider dropping by my Ko-Fi ( https://ko-fi.com/S6S2L3VE ).
> 
> Thank you for reading! <3


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